This wasn't close to the first time Jack Winston had woken up to realize his best friend Wade Wilson had taken over his mind. It had been happening for nearly two years now. He didn't fight it, didn't experience any side effects. It was just another part of waking up, kind of like Folgers in his cup. That had happened yesterday, and everything had gone on as normal – or as normal as it could in this situation. As it turned out, Monday morning was much different. He knew immediately after opening his eyes that something wasn't right.
This wasn't his bedroom, and there was no evidence that his wife or any of their pets were there with him. He was completely alone, cursed with decor that he wouldn't in a million years choose for himself. He needed to call Wanda. She would know what to do to help him escape this horrible nightmare. Only when he picked up the phone on the table next to the bed, it wasn't his, and it had a fingerprint enabled unlock. Dammit.
Paying no mind to his reflection in the mirror as he passed, he started snooping around the room to see if he could figure out where he was and how he'd gotten there. A pile of papers turned out to be the only viable option, so, without a concern in the world for violating someone's privacy, he started reading them over.
"Who the hell is Kathryn Snow?"
If he had met her before, he couldn't remember it, which made it all the more confusing for him to be in her home. The bright side of it all was that he was alone, so all he needed to do was find his teleporter and pop out before someone snagged him for breaking an entering. The last thing he needed was to get arrested by his former employers.
Only his teleporter was nowhere to be found, just like his cell phone, wife, and pet army. Frustrated, he looked up at the ceiling and raised his fist to shake at the sky. Before the words dammit, Thanos could leave his mouth, something caught his eye. The hand lifted was not only blue with ice shooting toward the ceiling, but it was a female hand. For the first time since waking up, he looked down.
"Jesus hot sauce Christmas cake, I have boobs! Wait, I have boobs."
That was unexpected – more surprising than the ice thing. How did he have boobs? This was like something out of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. He had been a lot of things, but Elsa had never been one of them. At least, if he were Elsa, that meant his fingerprint would unlock her phone, so that was exactly what he did next. And because he could never pass up the opportunity to snoop, he did.
"Wow, Elsa, you're no fun at all," he scolded, shaking his head in disapproval at the lack of anything juicy. And that's when he realized that if he were Elsa, Elsa was probably him.
So, ten minutes later, he had established that a soulless human being – who doesn't appreciate Spongebob Squarepants? – was now inhabiting his body. Even better, he could do a lot more than turn people into popsicles while singing selections from the Frozen soundtrack. Since past experience dictated they would have to go through the usual motions of finding a gem, killing some baddies, and seeing where things went from there, there was no way Wade Wilson wasn't taking advantage of his situation.
He would call Weasel and Wanda to see how their mornings were going, but first? First, he was going to make pancakes. Little did he know there was someone else in the apartment; it wasn't like he had gone through every room to check. That was effort.
So when a lady named Iris entered the room and immediately started freaking out at him (something about who he was and what he had done with some girl named Cait, not that he was really listening), he realized his mistake. He also saw an opportunity. Little miss Frosty somehow had friends despite her inability to do anything but work. People cared about her even though she was super boring on top of her icy personality. Maybe Wade Wilson, super fun guy, could do something to help her out.
She would thank him later.