This sure as hell wasn't how Wade Wilson had imagined his Thursday going.
One second, he had been standing upright on the roof of a warehouse, trying to talk sense into his wife. The next, he was on the ground. It had all happened too fast for him to realize the extent of the damage. From his spot thirty feet below where he'd been before, he could see the orange glow that the flaming wings gave off. If it hadn't been for the sheer evil of it all, he might have found it beautiful.
But it wasn't beautiful. Hell, it wasn't even his wife, not really. Stupid Phoenix force.
"Ow," he groaned as he attempted to get up, not realizing that she had done more than throw him off the building. It didn't take long for the lightbulb to go off in his head, though. His attempt to push himself off the ground had only caused him to roll over onto his side. And then he realized that there was no arm to break his fall.
Oh, this was bad.
From his new position, he could look in front of him to see his severed arm a few feet away. He moved around in a way that could only be described as doing the worm to find his detached legs near a dumpster.
"Well, shit," he groaned again, just before the loss of limb (and blood) caused him to pass out.
He didn't know how much time had passed before he came to. By the time he did, his wife was gone. There were a few bystanders staring at him with looks of pity on their faces. No one could survive something like this, they probably thought, but boy was he the exception.
"Don't worry guys," he called out – well, in his head he did, but in reality he was barely whispering. Immediately, their expressions changed from pity to horror. "I had a big breakfast." Before he could say anything else, they had all run away. "That's just rude."
Wade looked himself over to see that the regeneration process had already started, but growing back limbs wasn't an instantaneous thing. He was down for the count for at least a day or two, and his wife was still out there doing who knew what. She had started with criminals with ties to her father, but there was no telling where she would go next. His reasoning with her had only made her more emotional. She had mentioned destroying the city and even the world.
He needed to get help. Not for him, but for her.
His one hand moved around his body, feeling for his teleporter or his phone. Somehow, his phone had survived the fall, but he wasn't questioning it. One missed voicemail. He played it.
Wade. Ya shit. I just heard yer wife's been taken over by the Phoenix. Fuck. I ain't seen ya or heard from ya while I've been out around the city. Shit. I hope yer alright, ya crazy bastard. Logan, out.
If word had gotten to Wolverine, she must have done some seriously bad things while he was out.
After an argument with Siri about texting Wolverine – "Did you mean honey badger? Here are the most popular images for honey badger." "I don't want honey badger memes, oh my god, you stupid Cylon. Text Logan. No, text Lou." – he finally got the right name and was able to dictate a simple response.
He sent a similar text to Wanda. Someone had to go after Harley while he was recovering.
Fear was an emotion he usually reserved for bovines, but he had to admit that he was terrified. If his wife wasn't above harming the man she was trying to have children with, there was no limit to what she was capable of. She had expressed feelings of weakness and wanting to be stronger, and that had hit him harder than the loss of limb.
As he lie there, conversing with Wolverine and the cooler Deadpool, he couldn't shake his own guilt. Here he was, growing back limbs. Where he remembered cancer, years of torture, and a desire to die, she saw something else entirely. She saw herself as weak in comparison, which he didn't believe to be true at all.
Nothing he had done or said had been enough to snap her out of it. Reminding her of the family they wanted and of everything she had overcome had only made the Phoenix stronger. It fed off of their emotional turmoil.
There was literally nothing he could do to stop her. He couldn't fight, and his words did no good.
All he could do was teleport away to Wolverine and hope Wanda could find her before she did something worse.
He was the worst husband ever. This was the worst day ever.